Chapter 24: Practicing Gratitude

By Isla Skylark -


After the implosion last week, I had to look inward and rest. I went to my friends place and we had lunch together. I had two dinners this week with two other friends and planning more as my time in Japan is coming to close.

This week I also practiced gratitude. Reflecting upon the connections I have made and share with those around me, I was reminded about how blessed I am. I have family looking out for me, I have friends to vent to and laugh with. I am truly grateful for the people that I share my life with. And I am grateful that I have poeple to share my life with.

I am starting to feel more whole, unsteady still, but whole. I am learning to unmask and be my authentic self. No matter how AuDHD it may be. It's rough because I still internalise rejection too much, and some times I am unaware of all my emotional processes and then get overwhelmed with everything happening inside of me.

Even right now I am trying to process what I am feeling, instead of just intellectualising everything. 



I find that everytime I write or say something, it just flows through to my hands and my fingers type it out. I would then read and edit the post (sometimes days later) and that would be it. The thoughts that stream through my mind form and flow almost natuarally and automatically. 

Today, I wanted focus on creating the thoughts I wish to stream and project. I wanted to be intentional about which thought I would either create, remember or bring to the surface. 
Because I feel like many things are out of my control, I wanted to used this as an opportunity to shift my mindset through practicing gratitude.

As I realign my energy and thoughts, I remind myself of that which has been good in my life thus far. I reflect back on my almost 6 years in Japan and bask in the memories that I have made. I was listening to the song "Calm down" by Rema (feat. Selena Gomez), as I listened to it, I was overwhelmed by the memories made every time in the past year when this song played. Being surrounded by good friends, good music and good food. Even from the years before. The parties, the dinners, the walks, the picnics, the fun times, the difficult times, every experience I have had and shared. Laughter, tears and contentment. Sitting in these memories filled my cup. 

This week, some things started feeling too much again and I called my cousin. She picked up almost immediately and she just listened to me. Through our conversation and her actions, I was reminded that I am not alone and that there are people in my life I can rely on. As I went back to my "implosion" post, I recall feeling like I had no one I could rely on, I felt alone. I felt I like I was falling and needed someone to catch me. My cousin, her family, my mother... they reminded me, resassured me...I felt like I could trust my family for the first time in a very long time. Once again, this overwhelmed me with gratitude. 

As I embrace this presence of gratitude this week, I feel like I have the courage to continue forward, no matter how chaotic the path may be.


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