Chapter 9: A Post of Colour and Fire

By Isla Skylark -
Last year, I saw the science behind making fire into different colours. There were multiple beakers and in each beaker, there was the standard flammable alcohol. The student and teacher began adding a reactant substance or chemical to each beaker. Lit the chemicals. And then the fires began to burn. In one beaker the flame was purple. In another it was orange. In another it was green. Each little beaker burning a different colour of fire.


Today, I was thinking about what I've been experiencing in my dating experiences in the past year and a half. I realised that whenever I spoke about the people I have dated I tend to focus on how I was feeling and reacting in those experiences.
I began thinking about what I want for future dating experiences. Aside from what I desire from a relationship and growing as a person, I want someone to bring out the best in me.


This is when the fire experiment popped into my head. I began to ponder and realised that I am the flammable liquid and depending on the additional substance, I would burn a different colour.


As I look back, I wonder which version of myself did I like the most. What characteristics did each person have that brought the best out in me? How they treated me, and how that made me feel.


Last year I dated someone really great. However, all I ever felt anxiety. Anxiety about them, being with them, them being in my life. Continuous anxious breakdowns and constant questioning if my mind was okay. I could not bear it. I left.


Three years ago I was in a very loving relationship. I felt at home and at peace and completely loved. I felt like I could grow and be my complete self. I had a sense of freedom. With her, I had the courage to face the world. I moved to another country. It ended.


Others brought out unhealed wounds and distrust in me. Others brought out ambition and determination in me. Others brought out a maternal instinct I could not shake no matter how hard I tried. Another brought out apathy and cynicism.


Each person I have been with has furthered my journey to complete self-discovery and self-acceptance.


Each person also has shown me which version of myself I like the most and who I strive to be.


Each person lets me burn a different flame, and I am on a journey to find someone who makes me burn just the right colour that suits me best.


Isla Skylark



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