Chapter 16: Little Things

 It's in the little things. This thought has been swirling in my mind for the past week.

Since my last post, I've been paying attention to the things I do when my mind betrays me. Whether that be in ruminating thoughts or anxiety or even when depression comes). 

While reflecting on this, I was reminded of the little things. 

People always talk about the little things concerning relationships. It's the small shared moments that make up the sweet retrospective memories. Or it's the little things that each partner does to support the other person. Or it's the friend sending a meme when their friend is having a bad day.

But the little things can also be applied to you. The things you can do when your mind is incapacitating your body.

This post is to show appreciation and pride in the little things I do that helps me. The little delights that I do for myself. The heartwarming things others have done to/for me in the past that I apply to me now.

Let's start with my favourite: music. The easy act of putting my headphones on or my earbuds in. Turning the music up high, but not to my detriment. And letting melodies of the songs whisk me into a space separate from myself and the world. It's like an aurora appears in my brain and slowly takes over every space. My mind becomes like the deep ocean where all the thoughts that were there before begin to sink to the bottom. They get buried beneath the sand to eventually get swept away by the current. And the rest of my mind becomes weightless and a gentleness sweeps and sways and blends into my mind. I become immersed. I begin to melt. I begin to breathe and hold my breath all at once. Music is the magic that my soul and mind find relief in.

Next on the list is puzzle games. On my phone is a game...actually many games. But this one, in particular, is my go-to. It is called "Puzzle lover". In it are many puzzle games. Some of my favourites include "unblock me", "Not cross" and "Fill lines". These are great to kill time and also to tire my brain. I'm sure there is a science behind it, but I find that when I use the problem-solving parts of my brain, it gives my mind less space to overthink, ruminate or be anxious. Each puzzle is quick to solve and there are thousands of rounds to play. Since I was a child I have always found solace in doing puzzles. Whether that be building an actual puzzle, playing with blocks or doing logic games or word searches. 

Another little thing is stuffed animals..especially those that are attached to a memory or person. The sense of warmth and peace I get from snuggling with my plushies is blissful. They are like an anchor. The moment I snuggle with them, my body melts. Warmth and tingles flood my nervous system and peace abound. I feel the soft and fluffy texture on my skin, the pressure under my neck, my body begins to cradle them. A smile cracks on my face and I give in to the bliss and acceptance of these lifeless beings that fill me with life.

And finally, the one I do at work when anxiety comes knocking. The sensation of flowing water on my hands and feet. Often times when I wash my hands, I waste water. Sometimes unintentionally. This is how it would go. I would turn the tap on, lather my hands in soap and begin to rinse. As I rinse, my mind zones out and I am left with the sensation of the water running between fingers, over the tops and palms of my hands, and over fingertips. The cold feeling washes over my pores, over the cracks and scars, over my tired joints. I am brought back to the present. The past is long gone and the future not in sight. All I am I see. I am here. I am settled. I am safe. 

The same thing happens when I go to the beach. See I don't like going to the beach with people and I don't like going to crowded beaches either. The beach for me is where I can be. I can't swim but I like to bounce and wallow in the water or just water on the beach and feel the small waves crash on my feet. It is the same sensation I feel when I run water over my hands. It is serene. It is centring. 

There are probably a few more other things, but I'll call it here for now. 

The little things really do help. It's even better that it doesn't require so much effort to do. 

I like having little things.