Chapter 14: An Open Letter To Minecraft
You have been a joy to have in my life.
Yesterday, I quote-tweeted a tweet listing 5 games that made me the gamer I am today.
You were not on my list, since I only recently started playing you, but you were on many other peoples’ lists. It was really nice to track back the thread to see peoples’ defining games.
See, I remember when you were released. I was in high school and some of my friends gave you a try. At that point in my life I was really into Portal 2 and Torchlight 2. Previously, I used to play shooter and action games on console and in arcades; and I used to play puzzle games, NFS and The Sims on PC. The only mobile games I used to play were card games, like Solitaire, Free Cell, Pyramid, etc. on my phone. I barely knew you and I wasn’t too interested in you.
Your graphics was blocky and pixel-filled. You colour gradient didn’t sit right with my soul and your avatars weren’t as customisable. I gave you a look-see on my friend’s computer, but ultimately, I started my RPG journey and if I wanted to build, I had the Sims. At some point TROVE came along, and I thought if I had TROVE, I wouldn’t need Minecraft. However, I never got into TROVE or you.
Now you’ve been around for almost 10 years. Everything in you has improved. But this is not why I started playing you.
Over the past 9 years since you’ve been around, I explored and played many MMORPGs. My building skills in the Sims had improved, and also, I realised how much I enjoyed building games. I also started getting into the Zelda games, something I wasn’t able to do growing up (due to patriarchal reasons).
Something changed in 2020. Aside from the pandemic, my closest friend, where I live, moved back to her home country. At the time, she recently started getting back into you. She was invited to her friends’ realm and every time we saw each other, and spoke about what was happening in our lives, you became a frequent and exciting talking point. At that point, I still had not played you, even so, I was interested in what she was building and doing on the realm. She also introduced me to the infamous Hermitcraft. And oh my, was I hooked.
Watching these professional minecrafters mine with strategy, clock in hours of resource gathering, play with game mechanics, create magnificent and mind-blowing builds and Redstone contractions and farms. For about a month, I gradually started watching all these amazing, outstanding, entertaining content creators and Minecrafters… All this stoked a fire inside that I had not felt in a while. My eyes sparkled. I wanted to try doing what my friend and these creators were doing. I wanted to explore the wonderful world that Mojang created. I needed to try my hand at this game that I ignored for 9 years.
I downloaded it to my switch.
It was an odd platform for me to start playing a game on. At that point I didn’t even know I was playing on bedrock. I couldn’t tell the difference between a dropper and a dispenser. I didn’t even know how redstone worked. I just had the basic understanding of how electricity, electric currents and circuits work from high school Physics. I watch Ethos lab and Iskall85 and MumboJumbo and ilMango videos… As interesting and entertaining as they were, I still did not know how to redstone. And so I thought of building. Building was fun. It is still is fun. It fills the hole that the Sims created. Building in you, Minecraft, feels limitless and wonderful!
As I played, I kept asking my friend questions about things I didn’t know or understand about you. After about a month and a bit, with over 200 hours clocked in, and still very much a noob at this game, I got Java for my PC. After all, I did not spend all that money on a gaming laptop just to watch Netflix and anime.
As soon as I mentioned that I got java, my friend invited me to join her friends’ realm. I just started on my single player world. I literally dug myself into the hill I spawned by (because I learned the hard way about dying without a respawn point and having to travel hundreds or even thousands of blocks back to base). I hardly had any resources and I was figuring out the controls and how to play on java.
I joined the realm despite my noobish constitution. I started playing less and less on my single player world and found a mountain to reside in near my friends’ base. It was such a humbling, but motivating experience to be surrounded by other players and witness their skills and abilities. It motivated me to build, improve and grow. I even built an automatic wool farm that was inspired by Hypnotizd. I never finished my base or my supersmelter, because a new realm was created. This time hosted by my friend.
I built a small seaside cottage. I found a horse. I actually made a kelp farm and I gathered the animals I needed for farms, wool and food.
It has been so amazing to see my skills improve.
I didn’t get to play much on the new realm, before it was reset to prepare for the 1.17 update.
I also watched my first Minecraft live. It was so fun and it felt so good to be part of a community.
Now the new reset realm is here and I build with purpose. I grind hours for resource gathering and I have a better understanding of redstone and making automated farms.
I can even do villager trading now. There is much I have yet to try my hand at and Minecraft, you keep improving and expanding. I am so glad I finally started my journey with you.
See I started playing you as a means to still hang out and do things with my close my friend. I never really had gamer friends like me. People who become so passionate and wonderfully lost in a game. My friend is the first friend who was the same type of nerd as me. She was the first person I could fully embrace my joys with because she shared and embraced her joys with me.
Then there Hermitcraft, Legacy and now Empires SMP, and the Spawn Chunks Podcast… they are full of creators who inspire and entertain. Being part of these communities has been one of the greatest sources of joy in my life.
2020 was not a good year for many people, including myself. I found myself spiralling into depressive and anxiety cycles constantly. I had to watch my close friends move away while my life stayed the same. I had conflicts and breakdowns and grief… so much grief. Fighting days of hopelessness and helplessness alone. Succumbing to days of hopelessness and helplessness. Embracing feeling alone. There were people who wanted to help, but they didn’t know how to help and when they did help I wondered if I was the problem and started to feel broken constantly. Stuck in mind. Stuck in these loops and cycles. Stuck in the prison of my mind and broken soul. All I wanted was an escape. A breathe from the chaos.
Minecraft, you became that. You are the place that is mine. You have not been touched by something that made me feel broken. You do not remind me of a trauma or past.
You are the place that came to me at the right time. You are the place that lets me be. You are the place that lets me grow. You are the place that gave me community which I longed for. You are the place that has given me so much more than what I paid for.
I thought you would just be a game of resource gathering and building. But you have helped me with the challengers my anxiety brings (in small ways). You are the place that I go to create aimlessly strip-mine when I need to do, at least, one thing in a depression episode.
You are the place where I go to feel calm and escape. You give me a break from myself.
Yes, mobs have killed me because I didn’t have a bed. Yes, I lost my gear countless times in the nether. Yes, llamas have killed me. Yes, creepers have surprised bombed me. Yes, endermen get in my way and then I die to them. And so many horrifying and terrible things have happened to my character. But, as much as I want to cry when those things happen. I laugh. I laugh until I cry.
Then I respawn and I start again.
So thank you Minecraft. Thank you for the consistent light you bring to my life.
You are more than just a game to me.
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