Chapter 27: Avoiding myself

By Isla Skylark -
Lately, I feel like I am in between realities: that which I live in and that which I desire. I want to feel connected to my spiritual self again, but I feel as though my ego keeps pulling me to whatever is in front of me. 

What am I distracting myself from? What am I avoiding? What do I not want to come to terms with?

I guess this is why people reach out to others. This is why you shouldn't face big things alone. 

For most of June, I have not been social, or not as social as I was in May. At the beginning of June, I started feeling waves of exhaustion and before I knew it, it is one week away from the end of June and then it'll be a couple of weeks before my life changes again. 

I don't feel ready. I thought I was. I know I just have to do what's in front of me, but at the same time, I need to keep an eye on the bigger picture.

A while ago, I wrote a post on change. It seems like this situation I find myself in is calling for me to put those words into practice. I don't know how I am going to get through it. I know I will get through it. I know that everything will work out. Everything takes time, and all good things come to those who wait.

The situation I am in is that I will be moving. I will be uprooting a life I built for myself and I will be starting new, with a pitstop in between. I will be moving from Japan to Kuwait. At the moment, I am going through a lot of closing procedures and preparing for moving procedures. I know I can do this. I just thought that I had more time (don't we all think we have more time before it's too late).

I feel like I need a constant break from life, but when I do take a break, I feel restless. I dance to shake out the anxiety. A drink to calm my nerves. I play games to escape for a while. But these things haven't been as effective lately.

I am avoiding sitting with myself and listening to what she has to say. The distractions won't help. I think it's time that I actually come to terms with my reality and internalise it and feel it and embrace it.

I need to stop thinking about what I need to or want to do and actually get onto doing it.

I guess, this week I will be sitting with myself. No seeking deeper insight or thinking about my to-do list.
Just sitting and being.


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