Mental Block

Last week, I had a week off from work. As you may have noticed by now, I have been in quite the depressive and anxious state for a while now. So with this time I would have off, I thought long and hard about what I would do with it.   I knew I did not want to spend it in ‘otaku’ hermit-mode. And I knew that I wanted to spend it outside my usual routine. I thought about going somewhere, like a mini vacation. I thought I should spend it in nature. Anything outside my usual space was an option. But as the universe would have it, I spent it with people. People I haven’t seen in almost two years, even though we live in the same city. It was surprising to myself that I chose people to spend my time on. Nonetheless, I did it. It started with a terrace lounge and a DJ I thought was cute. It’s been a while since I had a crush on someone and this was probably to dopamine distraction that I needed. I decided to ride the dopamine wave. I took the momentum I got from that wave and ...

Let’s talk about body image.   For as long as I can remember, I, like many women out there, have struggled with body image issues. Over the years, I’ve been learning to accept myself in all its parts. However, in moments like where I am now, I feel complete rejection for the way my body looks. Momements like these, come and go throughtout my life. But right now, this moment that I am in started two years ago when I met someone who was facing his own body image issues.   I wish I could have opened up more to this person about my own issues, but when we people look at me, they tend to not believe that I could have such issues or they don’t take it as seriously as I feel them. I portray myself as confident, but I don’t necessarily feel confident. Or cute or sexy or whatever adjective people use to describe the way I look or perceive me as. Except for pretty. I think I do have a pretty face.   Anyway, while talking to this person, he would often talk about his b...