Mental Block

Every breath with a whistle from my nose, chest repelling the air I wish to consume, absorb. Heavier each breath. Why must it be like this? Why must I feel like this? Why am I so critical concerning people and myself? I decided to move and live at my own pace. Each day, however, with each social interaction, I find that the pace of others pull me in like a nagging ocean current, dragging me towards the unmovable rock in my line of sight. At that point I stand up and get out of the water...out of the pool of social interaction that make me question my existence in that group from whence I came. I decided to change. To stop being cooped up in my own silence. To stop being indecisive. To stop being the shy person I inately am. To stop being so guarded. To be more like the self I wish  to become. This shall not remain a wish. I used to be all these amazing things. I miss that person. I miss being the person who would rally a crowd on a sports day. Who would show hundreds of k...

I've moved. Forward, away, onward, on. At my own pace. I am still moving. Slowly, breathing, small steps, diving into the deep end. I live in Japan now. I feel like the transition should have been a bit more challenging, however, I feel like I've done this before. This is normal to me. I'm surrounded by strangers in a new place, but I feel like I belong. Awkwardly belonging to a place that seemed to have accepted me. I've met people from different parts of South Africa and different parts of the world..I've become acquainted with them and they have become acquainted with me. It feels like I should continue to be awkward, but I am not. This place of moving and growing is a strange place to be. At this point I am living my dream. And I am proud of myself for taking that step. I have decided to move forward and be the best version of myself that I can be. However. With moving your life across the ocean, comes some manifestation of stress. It is ...